A World of Relationships

What does the word relationship mean to you? To most it brings to mind a “significant other” of some sort – husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage, dating, etc. However, the dynamics of the word are much more involved than this common connotation.

“Relationship” is defined in four different aspects:

        The condition or fact of being related; connection or association. This is typically used in a more objective sense, rather than talking about human relationships. For instance, there might be a relationship between your diet and your health.

        Connection by blood or marriage; kinship. We are related to those in our family.

        Romantic involvement. This is the type of relationship mentioned above; the assumed connection of a “significant other”.

        A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other. Here we go! We finally got to the important stuff! These are the type of relationships that matter. These are unique and intriguing bonds that we all have with various people in our lives. These are the relationships that matter – matter enough to be documented in our scrapbooks.

Now that we are clear as to what we are talking about with the word “relationship”, let’s expand on it’s importance to you – and why you would want to include such things in your scrapbooks.

Relationships of choice: Many of the relationships in our life are there because we want them to be there. You choose who to date and who to marry. You choose who to have as your close friends and who to have as not-so-close friends. The list of questions below will help guide you as you think of these relationships of choice:

Significant Other

• What first attracted you to your significant other?
• What made him/her attracted to you?
• When did you know this was for the long-term?
• What complications came into play when making these decisions?
• Were sacrifices made?
• What is it that the two of you shared that was lacking with people you may have previously dated?

Friends

• Why are you so close to that friend?
• What do you have in common with him or her?
• What do you enjoy doing when you are together?
• How long have you known each and what has made the friendship stand the test of time?
• What is different about the two of you that makes the relationship more intriguing and interesting?
• Have you been through hard times? How have you overcome the trials of your friendship?

Relationships of blood: We are all born or adopted into a family. These are the relationships that we do not choose. This includes your parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Even though we may not choose them, usually the fact that genes are shared and families are reared in similar surroundings, provide common ground for relationships. 

• What do you have in common with your parents? What did you enjoy doing with them as a child and what do you enjoy doing with them now?
• What things do you feel you inherited (genetically) from your parents and what things do you think you have learned from them?
• Do you have brothers? Sisters? Both? Older? Younger? Where do you fit into the line up of children? What kind of relationship do you have with each of your siblings? How do you think gender, birth order, etc. play a part in that relationship? Were you closer as children or as adults?
• Were you lucky enough to know all of your grandparents before they passed on? Are they still living today? What do you have in common with them? What do you like to do with them? Do you see them often or do they live far away? What do you enjoy most about them?
• How close are you to your extended family? Do you have tons of aunts, uncles, and cousins at every family gathering or do you rarely send a card to your mom’s sister? How well do you know all these individuals and what type of relationships have bloomed through your relation to them?
• Not all relationships are good, especially when we do not get to choose them. There is more to life than what seems happy and perfect. I encourage you to scrapbook the “tough” relationships in your family just as much as the ideal ones. These are a part of you too. And often, journaling and scrapbooking can be healing if you are still dealing with a hardship of some sort.

Relationships of parenting: Children are unique and special and definitely deserve their own category. Though they are technically relationships of blood, there is bond between parent and child that cannot compare to other relationships.

• What traits did your child inherent from you? Appearance, personality, habits, etc. Are you glad they inherited these things or are their aspects of you that you wish were not passed on?
• What kind of relationship do you have with each of your children? How do you think the relationship is affected by gender and birth order?
• How has your relationship with your children changed as time passes? What was it like when they were young children? Teenagers? Young adults? Grown adults with their own families?

Relationships of chance or compromise: Sometimes when we make a choice to love or like someone, the situation is a bit more complicated than that. Marriage is the most common reason for this. When we marry, we do not gain just ONE new family member. In most cases we also gain a mother-in-law, a father-in-law, maybe a few sisters or brothers-in-law…and don’t forget their spouses as well. Oh yeah, and of course they may have their own children. And your in-laws have sisters and brothers so suddenly you have twice as many aunts, uncles and cousins. In the mere seconds it takes to say “I do”, we can double, triple or quadruple the size of our families. In some cases, this is a wonderful thing. In other cases, we may have a hard time adjusting to the new people and relationships.

Another outcome of marriage is often “step” family members. You may marry and gain stepchildren. Or your spouse may become the stepparent to your children. You may have a stepparent yourself, or a step grandparent. Maybe you have stepbrothers or stepsisters. Things can get very complicated due to marriages!

In-laws

• How well did you know your in-law family before marrying? Were you already close to them by your wedding day or did you barely know them?
• How close are you now? Do you see them often or do they live far away?
• What compromises have you or your spouse made due to in-laws?
• How has your life changed because of your spouse’s family? For the good? For the bad?
• What kind of relationship does your spouse have with your family?

Steps

• What step-relationships do you have in your life? How are they different or similar (if you have more than one)?
• Do you have a stepparent that you appreciate more now that you are a stepparent yourself? Or maybe just becoming a parent gave you a better understanding.
• What are the dynamics of your step-relationships? Are you as close to your stepmother or father as you are to your biological parents or were you never able to make that special connection?
• Were you raised in the same home with step-siblings? How did that affect your childhood? How is your current relationship with them?
• Are you helping to raise stepchildren? What are the trials that you face? What are the benefits? Does the child live with you full-time, sometimes, or do you rarely see him/her?

Relationships of groups: These are people you have become connected with through a common interest. That interest could be variety of things: a sport, a hobby, religion, organization, etc. These types of groups mean that you automatically have something pretty important in common with the people – the basis for the group. Even if you do not feel compelled to do a layout about an individual you may know this way, try doing a page about your relationship with the group. Yes, you can have a relationship with an entire group!

• Church: If you are active and involved in church, chances are you have various friends and relationships through that venue. What about your relationship with your pastor? Even if you are not personally that close to him (especially if you attend a large church), he or she probably has still affected your life in great ways.
• Clubs and Organizations: Do you belong to a “Book of the Month Club” or “Garden Club”? Do you meet with a group to play a certain game each month? Do you belong to a committee? Do you volunteer your time with a non-profit organization? Do you work with the PTO at your child’s school?
• Sport or Hobby: Do you play a sport? Coach a sport? Or maybe you are the world’s greatest fan! Do you have a hobby that you are passionate about (we all know the answer to this one!)? Do you attend classes, seminars, retreats, conventions, camps, etc?

Relationships of life: The above categories cover the majority of the relationships that most people have in our lives. However, they don’t come close to covering everything. There are always plenty of new relationships coming into our lives, and old ones leaving. Below are some others you may want to document in your scrapbooks:

• Co-workers: We usually do not get to choose those that we work with, but we certainly do spend a lot of time with them. Create a work-related scrapbook page that documents your relationships with your boss, your employees and other people you deal with on a daily basis. This same approach can be taken with classmates that may not be close friends.
• Pets: Not all relationships are with humans. Pets play a very important role in their owners’ lives. Pets are unique because even though we choose them, we don’t necessarily know much about their personality before we do so. Like children, you vow to take care of them and that is a very important part of the relationship dynamic.
• Neighbors: Like coworkers and classmates, chance gives us neighbors. You automatically have location in common with these people, and probably are of the same socio-economic class. But beyond that, you may have nothing – or everything – in common. What relationships have you developed with your neighbors? Are you closer to some than to others? Do you prefer to keep to yourself when at home? Are you in a neighborhood of socials and backyard BBQs?
• Teacher/Counselor/Coach: Again, these are not people that we choose. However, when we are “assigned” these types of mentors, it is because they are supposed to be good at what they do. Regardless of whether it is a marriage counselor, a third grade teacher or a varsity football coach, there is a reason they are doing what they are doing. And if you are with them – there is a reason for that too. You automatically have a bond with them. Maybe you are going through a tough time that they understand (alcohol addiction). Maybe you share a passion for the same sport (like you would with a basketball coach if you were a player). Document how some of these relationships have grown and helped you become who you are. Was there a particular teacher that sparked your interest in writing and now you are a professional journalist? Is there a coach that finally got the message across that it’s not just about winning and you owe your positive attitude to him? Did you overcome a hardship due to a counselor of some sort?

I’m sure there are plenty more relationships that I have not covered here. But hopefully this is a list that will help get your mind going. I truly feel it’s imperative to capture these special people in our lives by documenting the types of relationships that we share with them. No two relationships are identical. Journal about what is unique and important – and include a photograph of the two of you (or more if applicable). If there is not a picture available of you together, try using an individual picture of that person, or no picture at all. Let the journaling speak for itself.